'Her farewell was a party she would have loved to attend herself'

Daphne knew halfway through her pregnancy that her daughter Larimar had a heart defect. “Larimar was named after a stone from her father's native country, the Dominican Republic. She grew up with me, and later also with Kees, whom she had known since birth and whom I later married. She was cheerful and social, and loved going to school.”

When Larimar was six years old, a major surgery was scheduled. She didn't have any symptoms yet, but the doctors felt this was the right time. “They handled that decision very carefully. They explicitly told us that they were the ones making it. But we were still uneasy.”

A difficult surgery

“We told her she was going to have surgery and she was startled, but she quickly pulled herself together. On the day of the surgery, she even packed her new swimsuit in her suitcase. She skipped into the hospital holding our hands.”

The surgery went well technically, but Larimar remained in a coma. “The doctors couldn't get Larimar stable immediately, so they had to operate on her again. Her chest remained open: I could see my child's heart beating. Because it was beating, the surgery had been a success!”

But then things went wrong. “A blood clot had caused serious damage to her brain. At first, it seemed she would survive, though she would be severely disabled. But later it turned out she was brain dead. It was pure bad luck. No mistakes were made, but things went wrong.”

The decision to donate her organs

Daphne did not hesitate when the question arose whether Larimar could donate her organs. “I found it self-evident. I compared it to a beautiful dress that no longer fit her; we passed it on to someone who could use it better now.” Her husband Kees was also fully behind it. And to Daphne's relief, Larimar's biological father also agreed. “I was happy about that.”

A farewell full of love and color

Larimar's farewell was anything but somber. “We had popcorn, cotton candy, and balloons. Children ran through the church dressed as pirates, princesses, and cowboys. They knocked on the coffin and shouted ‘Larimar! Larimar!’. When we took the coffin away, it was covered in glitter from their drawings and costumes. It was a party that Larimar herself would have loved to attend.”

Her organs save three children

“Three children were helped with Larimar's kidneys and liver. It feels fitting that they are children.” For Daphne, that provides comfort, although it does not give meaning to Larimar's death. “I am happy that her organs spare three families the grief that we feel.”

Life afterwards

Daphne and Kees continue to remember Larimar, especially on her death anniversary and birthday. “We still get together with a number of people, including Larimar's little friends.”

The grief remains, but new happiness also came. “We are fortunate that a few years later we were also able to become parents to two beautiful adopted children. They are definitely not a replacement for Larimar, it exists side by side. But it does give more meaning to life. I am grateful for that.”