'Cross-over is a great option for couples who do not match each other'

Ruth's kidneys had almost stopped working. Her partner wanted to give her a kidney, but he did not have the same blood type. The solution lay in the 'cross-over kidney donation' program. In this program, kidneys are 'swapped' between different donors to achieve a match with the recipients. It was her salvation.

How did your kidney disease start?

'I was in my early 50s and life was going well. But in a short time, my kidney function dropped enormously. That was because I had suffered from kidney stones for years. All the lithotripsies and keyhole surgeries had caused damage to my kidneys. One kidney had even shriveled due to a blockage. I had spent a lot of time in the hospital, but my kidney function had never been monitored. And then it was too late. I would have to undergo dialysis. That's when a machine cleans your blood. That was out of the question for me, no way. I have an immense respect for patients who undergo dialysis. They survive thanks to that machine. They completely lose their freedom. And it makes you feel awful. But you only get on the waiting list for a donor kidney once you are on dialysis, and I didn't want that. I thought: I'll take my chances. If I don't make it, I'll become a donor myself. Apart from that, I am as healthy as a horse.'

So you had to rely on a kidney from a living donor.

'Yes, unfortunately so. This is the only disease where you depend on the compassion of others. Asking for a kidney feels like begging. It is humiliating. People say things like: "I would only donate to acquaintances" or "The recipient must not smoke or drink". As a donor, you literally decide whether someone gets to keep living. With no other condition is that the case. People who on the waiting list are think: who wins the lottery this week? The suffering behind that, including mental suffering, is hard to imagine.'

How did the matching go?

'In 2023 I was registered for the cross-over again and we entered the first round with another couple. The next day they already called: there is a match! Then the waiting began, because many more tests followed. Meanwhile, I deteriorated further, and also broke my shoulder in a fall. That's when I thought: it's not going to happen anymore. Shortly after, we heard that it was going to happen soon.'

How did the surgery go?

“My partner donated elsewhere in the country, where his recipient was. I was in a hospital far away from him, so my donor had to go there. We didn't mind being apart like that. Because when I'm sick, I prefer not to see anyone. I also wanted to avoid any chance of infection. After the surgery I felt very ill, as I turned out to be allergic to the painkillers. But I knew what I was doing it for. My partner was discharged after just two days, while it took eight days for me. But I have nothing but praise for the hospitals. We received wonderful guidance and everything was organized perfectly, even though a donation with so many donors and recipients is a massive undertaking. The doctors turn you completely inside out, they want to rule everything out. They are heroes. Everything has gone smoothly afterwards as well. All appointments go well and they always know immediately who I am. That instills confidence.”

What do you want to pass on to others about donation?

“Anyone can save someone's life. If you make a bucket list, put this on it: donate a kidney. Even if just one person reads this and chooses to do this, that would be amazing. You can live perfectly fine with one kidney, my partner proves that too. Everything is covered by the recipient's insurance. So that is not an obstacle. You literally give someone their life back.”